A Low-key Proposal

Form a Third Party around the United Healthcare Shooter, the antidote to the 2016 Harambe moment that sent America in a tailspin.

First things first this guy is hot. Equal parts Anne Hathaway, Timothy Chalamet, and Luke Skywalker, it’s incredible that no one in a Hollywood studio thought to create him themselves. I’m frantically hitting my boys at Pizza Slime trying to get this man’s face custom printed onto a Four Loko Fleshlight as we speak.