I TRIED THE CHICKEN BIG MAC

Eating the scallopini chicken nugget big mac feels like boofing this particular moment on the space time continuum WITH the lights on.

This sandwich is naughty. It looks like it came off a conveyor belt at Frederick’s of Hollywood. The same person that invented the McDonald’s Hashbrown obv had something to do with the aesthetics of this scallopini’d chicken nugget patty. You could bread a hundred chicken cutlets at home with natural ingredients and never be able to achieve the disgusting processed end of days crisp that Ronald McDonald does.

I ate this shit in broad daylight on a Wednesday afternoon before shvitzing at City Spa. I did this intentionally because I knew that the sandwich would run through me, my feet would be swollen from sodium, and I’d feel bloated. So the LA bitch in me knew that I needed to punish myself in a 190 degree Russian Jewish dry sauna with a bunch of old dudes talking about how Kamala is for They/Them and Trump is for “us”.

Aite, Mikhail.

I didn’t have high ex…