SUBSTACK PRESENTS AN AUCTION WITH MYSELF & OTTESSA MOSHFEGH

Me, Ottessa, and Substack are turning April Fool’s into a commercial holiday

i write to u flat on my back down bad with food poisoning. My wife and I took my son to get a slice of pizza after playing ball and I was offered a free GF pizza that set off a bomb in my stomach.

Despite being on the toilet for the better part of 12 hours im still very excited for this function that Ottessa and I have been planning with Substack.

Its going to be a lot of fun. I will be auctioning a lot of odd memoribilia like Mr. Chow’s Goyard leash.

As well as this genuine leather firkin my Mom brought back from China for Natashia.

There will be food and drinks and other wonderful people. I will also be auctioning 30 minutes of unlicensed non-medicinal therapy to anyone who wants that sort of thing. I got used Knicks City Edition Ethika Boxer Briefs as well as a signed empty bottle of codeine promethazine.

Substack wants me to let you know that this event is for PAID subscribers so please consider becoming one if you arent already. Additionally, because the capacity is 150, not everyone will get a ticket so please say  "Limited capacity. First come, first serve".

There. It has been said. See you there based fobs.

Link to function below paywall